Thanks mac_gyver!
I am running:
Windows 7 x64 - latest updates
Apache 2.4.7 (x86) - downloaded from apachelounge.com
PHP 5.5.9 (x86) - downloaded from windows.php.net / running as Apache module
MS Visual C++ 2010 x86 and x64 Redistributable 10.0.40219 (with MS Visual Studio Express 2012 for Desktop) - latest updates
I completely uninstalled Apache 2.2.22 and PHP 5.3.6, both of which were installed with MSI, and extracted Apache 2.4 and PHP 5.5 from the downloads. When that failed (and after I attempted PHP 5.4.25) I uninstalled the Apache service from CMD and deleted the folders. I eventually re-downloaded Apache 2.2.25 and PHP 5.3.28 MSI's and installed with the same problem! (Don't know how PHP 5.3.28 can be the 'latest' if .28 < .6 but I went with the website!)
I am back to Apache 2.4.7 and PHP 5.5.9 now and awaiting the grace of God!
Thanks so much, I appreciate the help!