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elostandfound.info redone a lot need critique


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#1 Ninjakreborn

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Posted 04 September 2006 - 08:15 PM

Can you re-critique this website, I did quite a few new things to it, I moved almost all the whitespace from the top by re-working the system, I put the programmatical stuff in with the layout, like the pages that return feedback from forms and everything.  I am looking for a whole nother critique, if someone(people) have the time, I would appreciate any advice, positive/negative, or criticism or anything of that nature.  I had a pretty good criticism about it earlier, and when I redid a lot of what was brought it, so I am hoping someone can un-cover some other things now, thank you.

mod edit: a little more user-friendly -> http://www.elostandfound.info/

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#2 extrovertive

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Posted 04 September 2006 - 08:33 PM

I'm sure you worked hard on the programming backend.

However, the layout looks just like a pre-made blog template you get from downloading wordpress or other blogging scripts. Did you design the layout from scratch?

About the site, let's say I found a wallet with just $500 in it. Would I go to a real lost and found place? Or, would I go on a website and post about it, and then later receving 50 emails from people claiming it's their? How would that work?

#3 AndyB

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Posted 04 September 2006 - 08:37 PM

I'll just choose one page - http://www.elostandf...fo/therules.php

Register here for ... certainly implies I should click something (like the word here, for example) except that it's not clickable.

That's followed by tons of poorly worded and vaguely threatening prose and then Yes and No buttons. Yes or No what?  I guess it's asking if I agree to the 'Rules' but maybe it's not.

The worst part is the prose itself.  It's awful: spelling errors, grammatical errors, syntax errors, and errors in sense.  And it's not organized in a particularly rational manner. It screams amateur.  If you're serious about this site, then invest some cash with a copywriter to rewrite it for you.
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#4 koolaidman52

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Posted 04 September 2006 - 09:32 PM

It looks sort or bland, I'd kinda like to see some pictures of jewelry or pets on the front page and a cool looking logo would be nice.

@the language thing: I'm not sure if English is your first language but there are definitely grammar issues.

also:

We welcome you to sign up for an account. The initial account is free, some of the activities in the site however cost money. We apologize for this inconvenience but something has to cover hosting. We hope that in the future if the site makes itself popular we can remove the fee off the site, and instead start charging companies to advertise on here instead.


I don't know if its a good idea to tell the user about the site needing to make money, that seems to tell me that "we're not really interested in the actual service, just the money we make off of it."

I'm reading through some of your information and I'm getting REALLY bored. I'd like to see some of the sections cut down to 1 sentance if applicable. Like the Blue box on every page.

1 Month Free Trial going on right now. Anytime you sign up within the next month, you get 60 days free, to test drive your account. You HAVE to sign up within a month to get this deal, then things go back to normal. However if you have signed up within the month you get a full 60 days on a paid account.


that's it for now.
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#5 Ninjakreborn

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Posted 04 September 2006 - 09:40 PM

I'm sure you worked hard on the programming backend.

However, the layout looks just like a pre-made blog template you get from downloading wordpress or other blogging scripts. Did you design the layout from scratch?

The layout was from a template.  I can do designs from scratch, my creativity is somewhat good now, but it's delayed, with creativity it takes awhile for it to kick in on something, so I use templates whenever possible, I don't really see anything wrong with the general design structure itself, yes the backend was a little strenious doing some of the calculations, but over all the programming was rather simple, some gateway pages, and login system, messaging system, are all pretty basic, because of the budget the lady was on.

About the site, let's say I found a wallet with just $500 in it. Would I go to a real lost and found place? Or, would I go on a website and post about it, and then later receving 50 emails from people claiming it's their? How would that work?



That is something I wouldn't expect people to post about, but they could put a wallet up if they found a wallet or something, again this is for a client, so as far as this is concerned, it was her idea, her vision, I just put it down on the web, and update it, when she asks for something to be added, and when she get's money off of the site, I am going to start overhauling massive "basic" sections of it, and making the programming a lot more advanced, right now everything from there was created from scratch, except the forum, which I will be building in my spare time, because her forum needs for this site are going to be pretty basic.

I'll just choose one page - http://www.elostandf...fo/therules.php

Register here for ... certainly implies I should click something (like the word here, for example) except that it's not clickable.

That's followed by tons of poorly worded and vaguely threatening prose and then Yes and No buttons. Yes or No what?  I guess it's asking if I agree to the 'Rules' but maybe it's not.

Do you have any suggestions on how I can change this, to make it better.

The worst part is the prose itself.  It's awful: spelling errors, grammatical errors, syntax errors, and errors in sense.  And it's not organized in a particularly rational manner. It screams amateur.  If you're serious about this site, then invest some cash with a copywriter to rewrite it for you. 

I am not the best copywriter for other people, I was a writer for a little while, I like writing stories, but I don't feel the same drive when I do it for someone else, unless they have a bigger budget, I told her this, and she found a english student major, who was going to go over the entire gramatical aspect of the site and proofread it, so all the grammer, sentence structure and everything will eventually be under-going an entire rewrite.

Any more advice/opinions would be greatly appreciated.

It looks sort or bland, I'd kinda like to see some pictures of jewelry or pets on the front page and a cool looking logo would be nice.

@the language thing: I'm not sure if English is your first language but there are definitely grammar issues.



as far as images/pictures, I might be able to do something about this now, that I have more photoshop experience, I haven't been doing graphic design itself for long, but I can probably start doing that, the next time I go through, I use these critiques boards because they are very helpful, on these kind of projects, that I do for free/next to nothing, or a portfolio builder, I only work on them in my absolute spare time, so everything that was mentioned will be worked on, changed the next time I work on the site. 



I don't know if its a good idea to tell the user about the site needing to make money, that seems to tell me that "we're not really interested in the actual service, just the money we make off of it."

I'm reading through some of your information and I'm getting REALLY bored. I'd like to see some of the sections cut down to 1 sentance if applicable. Like the Blue box on every page.


The next time I have free time and go over more of the site, I will definitely take that into consideration, luckily I have that blue box as an include, I will be changing that to what you suggested later.


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#6 AndyB

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Posted 04 September 2006 - 10:43 PM


I'll just choose one page - http://www.elostandf...fo/therules.php

Register here for ... certainly implies I should click something (like the word here, for example) except that it's not clickable.

That's followed by tons of poorly worded and vaguely threatening prose and then Yes and No buttons. Yes or No what?  I guess it's asking if I agree to the 'Rules' but maybe it's not.


Do you have any suggestions on how I can change this, to make it better.


Yes. Have a page heading that makes sense ... more about the prose in a moment ... and where you have the Yes and No buttons clearly state the question for which Yes and No are the alternative answers.


The worst part is the prose itself.  It's awful: spelling errors, grammatical errors, syntax errors, and errors in sense.  And it's not organized in a particularly rational manner. It screams amateur.  If you're serious about this site, then invest some cash with a copywriter to rewrite it for you. 


I am not the best copywriter for other people, I was a writer for a little while, I like writing stories, but I don't feel the same drive when I do it for someone else, unless they have a bigger budget, I told her this, and she found a english student major, who was going to go over the entire gramatical aspect of the site and proofread it, so all the grammer, sentence structure and everything will eventually be under-going an entire rewrite.

Any more advice/opinions would be greatly appreciated.


If you can't do it right, don't do it at all.  If the client doesn't have the budget, the client doesn't get a fifth-rate product, they get advised to either do it themselves or pay someone else to do it.  All you managed to do was display your lack of ability or lack of care.  Copywriting (good copywriting) is a highly-skilled art.  It needs to convey its message clearly in language that the target audience will understand. It needs to convey its message crisply. Good requires high literacy standards - something that you gain from reading good 'stuff', not from writing, and not something you can pick up in a few weeks. It's a lifetime's learning. 
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#7 Ninjakreborn

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Posted 05 September 2006 - 03:31 PM

Ok thanks for all the advice, I seemed to have changed a bunch of spelling errors she ran across, and I changed everything you found, put the question on those, rewrote the disclaimer, rules page, homepage, redid the note on the pages to make it more simple, and to the point.  Any more advice?

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