Amazingly, after working on this issue for a week, a mere few hours after I broke down to ask for assistance, I solved the problem. For anybody who might read this and ever be in a similar situation: I am running a forum with an SSI file that is required for my page loads. If I run phpinfo BEFORE that line, it shows me 2039 for error reporting. Sticking phpinfo() AFTER that line shows 2047. I never had the problem on my previous host. I don't know what the heck that file is doing (handles behind the scenes forum initializations for easy site integration), but it has changed the local PHP settings which are still kept when that file is finished and it continues running my code. Long story short, I just returned the error code to 2039 right after that and everything is fine. I've been beating my head over it for a week while trying to get a site ported over to my new VPS. For some reason, this issues did NOT happen on the previous host. I don't know why they wouldn't I would have expected the same thing to happen there.