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Student suspended for using PHP


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#1 extrovertive

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Posted 21 October 2006 - 08:05 PM

Student Suspended Over Suspected Use of PHP

Topeka, KS - High school sophomore Brett Tyson was suspended today after teachers learned he may be using PHP.

"A teacher overheard him say that he was using PHP, and as part of our Zero-Tolerance policy against drug use, he was immediately suspended. No questions asked," said Principal Clyde Thurlow. "We're not quite sure what PHP is, but we suspect it may be a derivative of PCP, or maybe a new designer drug like GHB."
Parents are frightened by the discovery of this new menace in their children's school, and are demanding the school do something. "We heard that he found out about PHP at school on the internet. There may even be a PHP web ring operating on school grounds," said irate parent Carol Blessing. "School is supposed to be teaching our kids how to read and write. Not about dangerous drugs like PHP."

In response to parental demands the school has reconfigured its internet WatchDog software to block access to all internet sites mentioning PHP. Officials say this should prevent any other students from falling prey like Brett Tyson did. They have also stepped up locker searches and brought in drug sniffing dogs.

Interviews with students suggested that PHP use is wide spread around the school, but is particularly concentrated in the geeky nerd population. When contacted by BBspot.com, Brett Tyson said, "I don't know what the hell is going on dude, but this suspension gives me more time for fraggin'. Yee haw!"

PHP is a hypertext preprocessor, which sounds very dangerous. It is believed that many users started by using Perl and moved on to the more powerful PHP. For more information on how to recognize if your child may be using PHP visit php.net.

#2 Daniel0

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Posted 22 October 2006 - 05:08 PM

Is this for real or is it a joke article?

#3 .josh

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Posted 22 October 2006 - 06:57 PM

obviously it is a joke article.  I mean come on, even if the first part were real, by the time you get to this part: "the school has reconfigured its internet WatchDog software to block access to all internet sites mentioning PHP." One would think that the person in charge of implementing it would explain how retarded they are being.
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#4 obsidian

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Posted 22 October 2006 - 06:59 PM

that's awesome! whoever came up with that is pretty clever. is it original with you, extrovertive?
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#5 wildteen88

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Posted 23 October 2006 - 04:37 PM

I've seen this before. Cant remeber where though, I think I either got of off digg.com or forgetfoo.com

However if this is true the school is pretty lame! The IT guys at the school should surely know what PHP is.



#6 ober

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Posted 23 October 2006 - 04:43 PM

I saw it on forgetfoo... do you visit that often, wildteen?

Info: PHP Manual


#7 wildteen88

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Posted 23 October 2006 - 04:47 PM

I used to go there quiote often. But I dont visit forgetfoo that often now.

#8 redbullmarky

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Posted 23 October 2006 - 05:57 PM

it's from BBSpot.com, but it says in the article:

When contacted by BBspot.com, Brett Tyson said


pretty funny :)
"you have to keep pissing in the wind to learn how to keep your shoes dry..."

I say old chap, that is rather amusing!

#9 Nitroware

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Posted 26 October 2006 - 10:07 PM

That is really funny!  I was laughing the whole time.  I am just thinking about how retarded the people at the school are.

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