.josh Posted June 14, 2009 Share Posted June 14, 2009 What the fuck is this twitter shit. Yeah, I've seen the sales pitch, listened to the guy on the Oprah&Co shows. I see them hyping it up as a more real-time way to stay in touch with people, because stuff like forums and email are not so, well, real-time. And for some reason, people buy into this bullshit. But I can't but help look at it from the other side of the fence. What the fuck was wrong with instant messaging? They are instant! You know what I think of twitter? I think it's a glorified chatroom. That's what twitter is. A chatroom that caters to cell phone users. How the hell is that impressive? I mean, clearly it is impressive to lots of people, but I'm just not getting it, and I want to know. People have been directly texting their friends long before twitter came around. Sure, people can now follow tweets of random famous people, bands, networks, companies, etc.. but you know what I think of that? I think that's a way to get people to willingly sign up to receive advertisements. That's all that twitter really offers beyond what people have already been doing with texting each other's numbers directly or logging into their IM service on their phones: yet another way for people to shove advertisement down each others' throats. A glorified chatroom where people can spam adverts to each other. You sign up to follow some famous person/network/company's tweet, and you get advertised to. You know, this whole advertisement thing really boggles my mind. Out loud we say we hate ads, but virtually everything we do revolves around them. Which reminds me. I went to the movies a couple weeks ago, saw the new Star Trek movie. I rarely go to the movies, but I had to go see Star Trek. Not because I'm particularly a huge fan; I would by no means call myself a trekkie. Or a going-to-the-movies fan. Truth be told, I'd rather wait until it comes out on dvd and watch it at home. I mean, I have this comfy couch. Big screen TV. Surround sound. $2 worth of popcorn will fill a garbage bag instead of my hand. Get smashed. In short, I get to really get into it without paying a fortune to be cramped in some moldy-stained fold-out lawnchair, fighting to have my arms any which way other than crossed over my chest, just so I don't makeout with the other fat guy sitting next to me. So why do I go to the movies? I make it a policy to go to movies that involve large outdoor scenes. Epic space battles. Giant fields full of thousands of warriors screaming, trying to pummel each other. Whatever. Even if I'm not a big fan of the movie itself. I mean, I can watch a movie just fine on my own tv but come on, scenes that involve outdoors on a massive scale are best seen as big as you can get it. So I'm willing to shoulder rub the left and rights and kick the head of the belows (assuming I can unsticky my feet from the floor...) and brave getting shit dumped on me from the aboves to see that sort of stuff. But only for outdoors type movies, which isn't all that often. So maybe they've been doing this for a while and I'm just now getting around to notice, so pardon my noobness if this is old news, but wtf is up with advertisements before the movie? I'm not talking about previews. I like the previews. Unless the preview just sucks. But that's rating the movie/preview itself. In general, I like previews. How can you not? Previews are always all the good scenes from a movie. I'm talking about blatant fucking advertising. I sat there for like 15 minutes watching standard commercials like I would see on tv. Why the fuck do I go to the movies again? I'm already spending like $10 for a fucking ticket, just to be sardined into a stale popcorn and sweat smelly place, being charged a week's salary for a kid's meal portion snack assortment. And now I'm paying to have people spam their shit on a 50 foot screen? Fuck that noise. It's already depressing how crappy movies are getting these days. Seriously, I have to find increasingly innovative ways to dumb myself down just to tolerate shit anymore. I feel like I'm living a real-life version of mystery science 3000. I just need a couple of robots, and the picture will be complete. Cool robots, though. Not those dumbass robots. Mine would have finger lasers. And they'd actually use them. And not spend an hour being dramatic and building up to it. "Hey man, how's it goi<ZAP>". Sometimes I really fucking hated that show. All the time, actually. The idea was great, don't get me wrong. But too many times they utterly failed to deliver. I swear half the time my friends and I sat around making fun of Joel and his retarded robots, rather than the supposedly stupid movie they were watching. They should have hired me to write it. So what does all this have to do with twitter? Absolutely fucking nothing. I went off on some tangent. Let's get back on track here. I recently read (I shit you not, I actually do read, and also, I really read this), and I quote from memory: "With the advent of twitter, it is for the first time possible for us to conclusively determine in a very scientific way, the legitimacy of ESP". That's short for Extra-Sensory Perception, not Electromagnetically-Shrunken Ponies. I know, I was pretty disappointed too! But hey, I guess this other ESP is a pretty hot topic, too, right? Seriously?? THANK GOD for Twitter. After thousands of years of all of history's most brilliant minds trying to figure this shit out, we now have the means to put this dog to rest. And how is this modern miracle of science possible? These scientists are going to post pictures of scenes around different areas, and people will use twitter's advanced never-before-seen technology to send in their best estimation of what location they are referring to. 1 real pic, 3 look-alikes. You tweet in door #1, door #2, door#3 or door #4. If enough people tweet the right answer, holy shit, ESP must be real! An actual excerpt from some random article I found: "At 3 PM (GMT) each day, I will travel to a randomly selected location. Once there, I will send a Tweet, asking everyone to Tweet about their thoughts concerning the nature of my location. Thirty minutes later, I will send another Tweet linking to a Web site that will allow everyone to view photographs of five locations (the actual location and four decoys), think about the thoughts and images that came to them in the 30 minutes before, and vote on which of the five they believe to be the actual target location. If the majority of people select the correct target, then the trial will count as a hit." I'm sorry..but how the fuck does that count? That sounds more like a memory test to me.. but I guess that's why he's the scientist and I'm the lay-person. And by that I really mean I get laid and he doesn't, because he's a retard wasting my tax dollars on retarded shit. I know what this is really about. Yet another geek trying to figure out the secret to getting inside peoples' heads so they can take the guess-work out of getting inside their pants. Dude, it's not a fucking secret. Read your tweet subscriptions. Any one of them will tell you how. All you have to do is buy their product and it will guarantee some hot chick will be all over your nads. For real. Really real this time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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